HELLO NEW YEAR

I have to admit...it takes more than the good snowmaking at Sunday River to get me out on the hill. November is against my nature and unless Mother Nature contributes to the snow deposit, I tend to wait until after the Christmas Week to get out on the mountain. This year Mother Nature went above and beyond in her generosity and she deposited about 18 inches of wonderful snow packed by the groomers and because the temps have remained cold, the snow is hard but not icy. This year, January 1st  was my first day on skis. The wind blew hard and the wind chill was ...well,  chilling. Stephen and I skied for the morning but were happy to head in out of the bluster for the afternoon. I just got my legs under myself. And on January 2, the Locals Challenge race program got underway. Though the thermometer read 5 at 8:00 AM, the wind had waned and it was a cold day in January...just perfect for letting the wild child out for fun and frolic. I got tingles when I rode my first chair up to take my first race run and noticed I was riding alone on chair 13. Thirteen is one of my lucky numbers since I reprogrammed myself.

 Relaxing and feeling lucky are two of the zen practices that come with ski racing for me. The other practice is "letting go". The god Janus, for whom January is named sports 2 heads...one looking forward and one backward...one face to the future, the other face to the past. I have noted that 2012 was, for me a year of letting go, and everything I ever learned went into the challenges asked of me. I've always had trouble with letting go. I resisted joining the ski race challenge for years because I cared too much about how I would look to the real racers. Come to find out, all that mattered was how I looked to myself and no one else was even looking. And of course, not being able to see myself, it was clearly about how it felt...not what it looked like. I stood at the gate...I sweated. I felt nausea...I thought I might poop my pants. I got all screwed up in my head worrying about layers and layers of what ifs. And every wednesday, I would stand at the race gates looking down at the course...tell my head to shut up...and I would just do it. Forget the speed, the competition, the other people who had much more interesting things to focus on than how I performed my race...forget the results and the what ifs. For two years, ski racing with the Locals Challenge became my therapy for letting go. So that is Janus looking backward. This year Janus looks ahead and there is a feeling of anticipation...the Zen of skiing continues to educate me on the workings of my mind...and body. With the whole chair to myself, I became a swinger on Chair 13. I felt a deep relax spread through my whole body and I was filled with a sense of being soooo lucky. I thought it would bode well for my run. But I took the steep way down to the race and my legs got used to resistance. When I set out on the course, I was still working too hard. I had carried the muscle memory of my run to the course through the course. So for my second run, I approached from a different trail. I skied down Cascades and let out all the stops. Consequently, my second run was a significant improvement. And given my second day on skis...Ill take it. Racing for me is not about winning or speed or who I beat. Racing for me is resisting the exaggerated fears of aging...trusting myself and my every race goal is simply to cross the finish line with all parts intact. Yes. I'm sixty and I know it. But that doesn't mean I should deprive myself of frolic and fun. Am I taking risks? Yes. But dammit...I am a decent skier. My body knows how to do it. I love the feeling of flight on the silent snow....the wind in my face and the beauty of snow covered pines and mountaintops. I feel revitalized. Refreshed and alive. And when I cross the finish line...I feel exhilarated. I've shown up...done my team duty...skied my best even if it isn't pretty...and when I fall I get up and finish. The creative awarenesses that catch me while I'm skiing are priceless. I realize at this late age that I am a kinesthetic learner and in order to access my best self, I need to allow my whole body to report in to Head-quarters. I need to do and then assess...rather than listen to my ongoing assessment before even the first step is taken. And feeling good lets me in to the bigger braver happier person that has been kept at bay for years. So 2013...let me welcome you with my feelings...relaxed...lucky...and may skiing continue to teach me about my happy healthy self. I believe in myself. I believe my reprogramming. The wild zen of skiing is a master if I just listen.